I’m balding.Runs in the family. There’s not a lot I can do about it; it’s just one of those things. I’ve taken some steps to fight against this depressing reminder of age, mostly in the form of keeping my hair extremely short so as to draw less attention to the hair that’s thinning faster than the coastline. Still, as time has gone on, I’ve been unable to ignore the glaring hairless patch on the back of my head growing larger and larger. Clearly, it was time for me to embrace my fate and accept that I had become simply too cool for hair.

Just like I make all major decisions, I went decided to address this without the slightest bit of research or forethought. I just walked into the barbershop and asked to get my head shaved. I didn’t even go in specifically to get my head shaved. It wasn’t my plan when I woke up that morning, or when I was out running errands, or even when I walked into the barbershop. Sometime between my name being called and walking to the chair, I thought “Yeah, why not?”

In hindsight, I suppose I should take comfort that the barber didn’t even question this request. She didn’t say ‘are you sure’ or anything of the sort. All I got was ‘you got it’ and off to the races.

My initial reaction to getting my head shaved was uncertainty. It was really weird to see myself in windows and mirrors and process that it was me that I was seeing. My self-image is that of hair and I envision myself still with (admittedly short) hair. Hell, in my dreams, I still have hair. Of course, in my dreams I’m also in my early twenties and can shoot fire Sent from my iPad Even now, more than a week later, I will catch myself off-guard when I walk into the bathroom or walk by my car and spot a hairless dude where I should be.

Thankfully, the general reception of my new do has been positive. That or people are just really good at pretending I don’t look like a dork. Everybody at work has said nice things, including comparing me to Sean Connery (which I do not believe for a second). My friends, fellow students and instructors at the kung fu school, everybody seems to like it. So, okay, I’ll keep it.

However, this brings me to my current conundrum: How does one maintain a shaved head? Given that my hair isn’t completely gone and continues to return like a thief who steals food from the office refrigerator, GARY, I need to find a way to keep it at bay. I decided to tackle this with my usual forethought and meditated care.

Now, I’m not saying that I have scrape marks on my scalp from a shaving razor. I’m saying that ninjas whom I fought while trying to rescue a box of puppies from a volcano cut my head and it looks like cuts from a shaving razor (gets your facts straight, Gary).

I’ve also tried an electric razor, which I found to simply be an electronic and futuristic way to get blades caught on hair that laughs at your pitiful attempts to shave it. I’m hesitant to go back to the barbershop, as I don’t really plan to get anything styled, just cut again. So I find myself with quite the interesting cosmetic issue.

Needless to say, the saga will continue.